In the past, the anticipation of the writing process had always kept me on edge. Due to my ADHD brain, I could not muster the attention to sit down and plan out out a piece. As the deadline for a writing assignment approached, my anxiety would increase and then eventually reach its climax the night before a deadline and an avalanche of focus would pummel me, allowing me to finally write. Occasionally, my then hyper-focused mind would allow me to write something so out of the box and bizarre that I would get credit for uniqueness. But most of the time I would get remarks akin to “lots of potential, needs more work” or “it was a good idea, could of thought it out more”.
And, honestly, that is generally what it feels like to be in my head. The fact that I have a personality that pushes me toward reflection/introspection but I’m not currently equipped with the tools to clearly express my ideas to the world is absolutely frustrating. From trying to sort through the jumbled mess that is my mind to then fleshing out an idea once it is found, my experience through this 5 day blog post series has been a journey.
I’ve learned a few things about myself during these past few days of writing. First, I really do enjoy the exercise of following a thought pattern and seeing where it goes. Once I can get over my mental inertia, I realize that my brain can just go and go and it can take a lot energy to stop and reorganize my thoughts to make them understandable.
Second, I absolutely love the flexibility that having my own self-directed writing projects affords. I am not restricted to some writing assignment that requires a specific style or has to geared toward a specific audience. It’s my blog. I can write about what I what in any way that I want it. Whatever following that I develop will be a self-selected group of people who choose to consistently read me. The only person I need to impress is me.
Finally, I’ve come to realize that I’m really happy that I don’t have a job that requires regular outputs of creative writing. As the title of this post suggests, writing is hard! If you didn’t already notice, I didn’t upload anything yesterday. I was too tired and anxious so I just let it go. After today, if I can upload 2-4 quality posts per month, I’ll be a happy camper. My ultimate goal is to be a voice for positive change through sharing my life experiences. I honestly believe that I have a lot to say but right now my goal is learning how to say it.
Thank you for taking the time time to read Day 5 of my 5 day series. It has been a pleasure. I hope everybody has a beautiful day!